?

can life,treat you so harshly at times?
u would say,its testing me,n preparing me 2 bare hardships
n exel,wid cconfidence.
i am so scared...so damn scared of telling,
wat feeling is lingering over me,entering n re-entering me with
greater force....i am scared of saying..."i am scared".
is it really that hard?...
am asphixiated wid thoughts of future/thoughts-of why people
never see me,for what i am but for who i am?......dey never really try u noe!....

*SnApsTAr*

look at me.
you see,what?
dont tell me,you see smoke.
smoke which is purple n perfumed...
it has ended.
the end,has brought us to yet another,begining
it had been painful.
but yet,i needed to see it.
you,too.
what were you playin at?

that's past.
not exactly.u still,scurry past me
tryin to rupture a well-rehearsed talk.
a feeble gesture,i may say.
u betrayed,betrayal itself.
would you ever live in peace?
kid,you are screwd!screwed,badly enough.

listenin to hard metal,pacifies your mind?
deep down,being a rock junkie...is being the cool-kind,eh?
a sip of vodka,a drag of smoky flame...wont help.
watchin porn,n using the word- "fuck"...wont help either.
imagining,your end to being a virgin
listenin 2 hetfield's hash rash....
is that what you looked forward to?
all this while?
shame on you.
u messed it!messed it real hard.

the relation,has snapped.
u.me.stuck in reverse.
who are you?
rather,i should ask myself,what are you?
an attention crazy looser?
a looser who lies,cheats,
n what more,u deny having done so.
u fucked it up.
u have no right to walk into someone else's life
n try to fuck her life up,as well.
looser.u love being a looser.
u lost it!lost it,forever.

actually its not in your nature
to share a true and honest part of yourself with me.
you are nothing but a hippocrite,
sheltered by glittering shades of lies and essence of pseudo love.
'love'.thats another thing i should have never associated with you.
strumming your guitar,playin loadsa heart wrenching,romantic songs
in your husky voice.
its not the way,kid.
nor is your moistened touch on my lips,
really entralling.
what relly,helped me associate with you...
were our warm hugs.
i suppose,the warmth extracted from deep within me
mingled with your controlled lust...
made a better couple,than we both did.
well,i'll miss that.only that.
anyway,you know what?
i hope you do---
u suck!u suck big time.

i dont really care.
my mind's in a jeopardized situation.
lemme,tame some sleep.
there.AGAIN...you wont let me!
see,thats what you do,fallen negotiator.
i hate your smile,
that smile,u secretly smile....
thinking u are tearing me apart.
u could have done,better than that.
there's no escape,no mercy....
no remorse.
i can see your dark contensions,baby.
get your stinnking self outta my way....
u wont?WHAT...you wont?
dont,then!i'll get you out,anyway!

am high on mystic drugs.
crying out to no one in particular...
"take me away...sway sway sway"
dosent mek much sense.
does it?
we,all of us.
are such wannabes.
23 times!still you are calling!
dont you realize,that i want you to leave me alone?
ofcourse u do!!!

"night!"enough of putting up,with your pretences
and my drama-queen attitude.
get some sleep,and in your dreams(if you are lucky enough to have them)
have a better life,
thats all,that i can gift u...
a small prayer for your dreams tocome true...
someday...anyday,
someway...anyway.
this is worse,dont make it worse-"er".

a "slight" night!

19th.11:23pm.black dimond-skiing thru my ears,inevitably bringin an overwhelmin sensation over my tired body.am bad at xpressin wat i really feel(seldom,is my feelin-real..n nawt sumthin related 2 stark-un-real)...am good at "over-xpressin"myself.i cud've done wid a tequila shot.my"mostly"relaxed mind's troubling me now.
gonna lissen 2 nytwish,now.....currently am addicted 2 their female vocalist's-gothic-opera-oriented voice.....white night fantasy.........oooooooooooooooo........amaranth.....maddening........---"u believe,but wat u see?u recieve,but wat u give"?......I STILL BELIVE...N HELL,I GIVE AWAY....LOADS..MOSTLY,ITS MY PAPER HEART,WHICH FLIES OF 2 ODERS!